I recently got a desk top for my home which allows me to write easier but that was only four days ago. A keyboard is what gets me to write a lot faster since i think like a weirdo. Nothing changes if nothing changes. What if everything changes when everything changes? Well thats what has happened. A great thing i got to experience recently was being the gossiped and disliked person around…. But as of today everything is back to where it was before but it’s stronger. Except for one lad named Jacob who will never talk to me again. But Oh well i have made my peace. Theres one thing i havent experienced in a while and thats resentment. I have gotten angry but not carried it with me. I’m way out of control this last month or so. But it has slowely began to get back to normal. My filterlessness has become limitless. Im so stupid and dumb, but i love it so much my pride is getting in the way of that. Its easy to justify being mean to someone because you have never been before and theyll forgive you but thats bad thinking. I work all day, i work out 2 days on one day off. I got to meetings. I live at the same home. We get along. My family adores me. I was seeing someone who recently cannot stay sober. My life is by far fun. Sometimes i wonder if my ego has begun to lead me to bad places. But i dont think so. I pray a lot. God is always around. And i do everything i have been doing to stay sober and be me for 2 years. Ive recently reliezed people are who they are and do what they do. So will I than. I dont really know what to write about. I know this. I’m looking at Shearer Fitness card right now. Remebering where i was a year ago. Much different. Im slowely adjusting to the different reactions people get from me. Example, Ryan a year ago. “Oh hes such an amazing person he helps everyone” Ryan who is a little ‘not in good health.” NOw lol. “Oh theres Ryan.” From men i get a bad reaction if i dont know them. From woman i get a very good reaction most people would always want right? No. But what happens here is this. The woman in my life today call me all ego because of it. The men in my life get jealous and be fucking assholes about shit. Now? I am still Ryan with a big ego doing stupid things that are funny but not right. I am slowely becoming back to who i am without the ALL EGO. But….people are still acting the same way. So. Can some of my argument be true? Are the jerkoffs a little on the mind fuck games with me. I dont care. I dont really hang out with big groups of people any more. I have my voltron of men and thats it for now. Before i was hanging a lot with a girl in evanston but for today thats not the case. In a ego note. My humor has been raised probably 25% better. I don’t think during the day for less than one hour i dont make myself laugh. The mother fucking Mark kopec said something funny the other day. And of course i couldnt give him the credit. I told mark to thank me. He asked me why. I told him “because Mark i have raised your thinking capasity 80% since youve met me and now your a funny guy.” The best part of life is still to come. My life is repeative but is what it is. I pay my bils, i save money and i dont smoke since September 28th. I breath good air and i havent been sick in 8 months. So? Nothing much to say, but maybe just maybe. Ill start writing again.
